living through loss & being kind to oneself

It’s been far longer than I intended since I last wrote. In fact, I returned from our trip to Florida with all sorts of post ideas floating through my mind. I wanted to write about the bike culture in Naples, where we spent a week. I had things I wanted to share about traveling and flying with a todder and I was excited to also tell you about a new literary magazine for parents that just took my breath away (great first issue!).

But then something unexpected happened on the night that we returned home: I was seven weeks pregnant and I began to lose the pregnancy. That was on a Sunday night. The following Tuesday afternoon we had an ultrasound that confirmed there was no heartbeat. By Tuesday evening, it was all over.

The following days were hard and painful. We had been very excited about this new baby to come; a completion of our family. We had shared our news with several friends and family members already, too thrilled to contain our joy. Wednesday morning was spent making calls and writing emails and sharing the terrible news with everyone: I had miscarried.

I debated for a while whether to say anthing about it on the blog, whether to simply walk away and return to posting once I felt like I could write about biking and traveling and parenting as if nothing had happened, or whether to force myself to throw together a few half-hearted posts and then take a break around the holidays when things slow down in general.

In the end, I decided that I couldn’t prentend that nothing had happened and that I had to share the truth. While I love some blogs for the escapism from everyday life that they provide, that has never been my niche. I think of this blog as more of a domestic realist’s space and I would like it to be a space where we share both the joys and heartaches of life.

Moreover, I have learned that the more I let others in on our pain, the more that pain was alleviated by all the kinds words, gestures of friendship, and offers of help. The friends who left food on our doorstep the day after it happened, the friends who sent cards, the friends who called or texted, and the friends who offered to watch C. so that we would have time to grieve alone all made us feel so much less isolated and less alone in our pain.

And the many women who shared with me the stories of their miscarriages and their heartaches left me more feeling more connected to other mothers and parents and families than I ever thought I could as a result of something so sad. It also made me realize how common miscarriage is and took away that feeling of why me, why us.

But while I’ve been comfortable talking about what happened (in fact, have needed to talk! have needed to write about it, have dreaded being left alone with just my thoughts), I have had no desire or drive to write about the everyday things of life or the things that make up the majority of this blog’s focus: biking.

I am also still suffering from an overwhelming fatigue that reminds me of just how I felt while pregnant and that seems to have lingered on as my body recovers from the event of being pregnant and getting rid of that pregnancy. I know it’s not depression because I do want to get out of bed in the mornings, I want to ride my bike with C. in the trailer, I want to stay on top of my to-do list and go Christmas shopping and meet friends. I just can’t seem to be able to physically do it all. I feel tired and hungry for sleep. When C. naps, rather than tackle a long list of things needing to be done, all I can do it lie on the couch and close my eyes or maybe read or knit.

I’m sure this too will pass as my body returns back to “normal.”

So I’m being kind to myself and not pushing myself to do anything more than do the bare essentials. I’m not going to write in the evenings when I could be resting and I’m not going to bike if I’m too tired and the car is there for me to use. I’m also doing so so much less than I had planned on doing for the holidays and just looking forward to getting to our parents’ homes where a tree will be trimmed and fresh baked cookies will await.

The one thing I’ve really enjoyed doing is knitting. Something about the rhythmic back and forth or moving yarn over needles while letting my body relax and the challenge of following a complex pattern to keep my mind occupied and distracted has been just the thing to get me through these last two weeks. It’s also likely no coincidence that I have found comfort in the art of making something with my hands at a time when my body didn’t make the thing we so badly wanted. I’m currently reading Free Range Knitter by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee and was struck by one chapter in which she writes about how knitting is often taken up by women during pregnancy. The creation of something bringing on the urge to make and create in other ways as well, so the theory goes. I wonder how many women have taken to knitting as a result of miscarriage. Probably far less, but the therapeutic results are worth lauding nonetheless.

We have also found so much solace in our daughter; our happy, babbling, toddling daughter. Our beautiful daughter who reminds us that our family is already complete, come what may.

I am being kind to myself and allowing myself to be sad when sad and happy when happy. Every day is different. Day four was the absolute hardest, although I would have expected day one to be the worst. But it was day four that surprised me with its sting and rawness. So who knows what the days to come will bring?

I expect that I won’t be writing much until after the new year. With the new year comes a fresh start and renewed drive to tackle all things big and small, important and mundane. Until then, I will rest, knit, play with my child, seek comfort in my community, and wish you all a happy rest of December.

**

PS: I turned thirty while in Florida, the week before it all went to hell. I turned thirty surrounded by family and love and I felt so good about where I am in life. I have met goals set for myself and experienced so much over the past decade and I am so much more at peace with myself and my life than I was ten years ago, standing at the periphery of twenty. I turned thirty full of joy and excitement for what this next stage in life will bring. And despite this sadness and the ending rather than beginning that met me at the onset of my thirties, I still look forward with excitement and curiosity to what’s to come. Thirties, you haven’t scared me off yet. I’m still excited to get to know you. So here’s to that!

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{Bikes, a new baby, and the story of us.}
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76 Responses to living through loss & being kind to oneself

  1. Liz H. says:

    Oh, I am so, so, so, so sorry for your loss.

    You are absolutely right–be kind to yourself. Knitting is a great idea; it’s so therapeutic.

    Take all the time you need. Rest. We’ll be here when you’re ready.

    <3

  2. tania says:

    oh S, it was heartbreaking to read this post and i am beaming hugs and love and good energy and care to you right now. it is a terrible thing to lose a pregnancy.
    i hope you can be gentle with yourself. i am keeping you in my thoughts with much, much love.

  3. Lynn says:

    I am one of the many who have experienced a miscarriage, and I think you are doing just the right things. It is a terrible loss, and you need to grieve and recover. You will never forget, but it does get easier. Know that all of us hold you in our hearts.

  4. Jennifer H says:

    I am so very sorry that you lost a pregnancy; I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be. I’ll be thinking about you and your sweet family over the holidays.

  5. Alyssa says:

    S., I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you can keep practicing the amazing self-care that you are right now, and know that good thoughts are being sent to you and your family.

  6. Roda says:

    So sorry for your loss. Yes, take the time you need to be sad. This is very important cause it will help you to heal. So if you feel like lying in bed and cry for a while then this is what your soul needs now.
    Best wishes.

  7. Katrina says:

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, S. and T. I’m so glad you’re finding the space to be gentle and kind to yourself. Knitting is like meditation for me, when things are hard I’m always so grateful to fall into the lull of clinking needles, a strand of yarn passing through one hand, a growing project emerging. To lots of knitting, twinkling holiday-season lights, baked goods, and family sweetness.

  8. Jane W. says:

    Oh, S. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you’re finding solace in creativity.

  9. Danni says:

    As a loyal reader I want to say thank you for sharing. I’m sending a huge hug from my little family to yours and hoping you know that it will get better.

    If I knew you in real life I would bake you a cake! I find that it always makes me feel better as well as the person who receives it. So, if you get really down I say bake! You can even make it a mommy-daughter project! Baking makes smiles and smiling is always nice.

    Again, BIG HUG!

  10. S., So sorry to read about your loss. I had a molar pregnancy (kind of like a miscarriage, but not) when Benny was about 18 months old. I too shared it on my blog. It’s so good that you’re allowing yourself space to mourn. Benny was such a positive and welcome distraction. I was also in the final steps of editing and defending my thesis. The timing couldn’t have been better to take my mind off of things and focus. Sending you positive vibes from Colorado.

  11. Stephanie says:

    So sorry to hear of your loss and sending lots of good thoughts your way.

  12. I’m so sorry for your loss, Sandra. Thank you for your transparency, and I wish you peace and continued kindness as you grieve and recover.

  13. Ann Wyse says:

    I’m so sorry. And I know it takes a leap to share these things with the internet. I’m so glad you did. Wishing you and your family much peace.

  14. Deidra says:

    I’m so sorry. I know the sting of that loss, and it’s no good. I’m glad to hear you’re surrounded by people who are helping to ease the burden. I didn’t want to share my news, but my family has a hard time keeping secrets. I was so grateful for those who reached out to me, even when I didn’t think I wanted that. Sending lots of love your way.

  15. Rachel says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight.

  16. T. says:

    So sorry for your loss. You are right to recognize your grief and take care of yourself. Also, belated Happy Birthday. I hope this next decade is full of joy for you.

    I have commented before but never linked to my blog because I didn’t think it would interest you.. However, this time I am linking, because my blog is full of posts about cooking and gardening and doing needlework, including knitting, which I am reacquainting myself with. I always turn to needlework to get me through stressful times. Usually it’s embroidery or cross stitch, because that is most relaxing to me. I hope you continue to find peace in your current knitting project.

  17. jennifer says:

    I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Between ages 38-42, I went through three pregnancy losses before the birth of my only daughter this past January. Thank you for sharing your story and your feelings.

    • simplybike says:

      Oh wow, Jennifer, I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like! I’m so happy to hear of your happy ending though! Thanks for leaving this comment, it meant a lot.

  18. simplybike says:

    Thank you for all the kind comments and well wishes, they mean more than you know! Especially the ones sharing having gone through something similar. Somehow knowing that this happens to so many of us has made me feel so much better and not at all alone in my grief. Thank you!

  19. Marlène says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of the three of you and wish you better times in the months to come.

    How reassuring that you find solace in opening up, in finding pockets of joy where you can, and in speaking about it. And yes, isn’t it startling when we finally broach the topic to discover just how many women have gone through it?

    Be good to yourself and enjoy this time with your lovely family.

  20. as you probably know, I suffered almost the same loss at almost the same time in my life and my parenting journey. and your beautiful writing about it makes it so fresh in my mind. Many years later, I am healed, with my family now filled to the seams with three boys and writing and, yes, that magazine. I often think of the miscarriage as something that changed my tone and approach. I was no longer a chipper exclamation-point mom!; I was varied and marked by pains small and staggering, and able to see the joys more piercingly. It was so hard. But in the end I saw it changed the fabric of my life in a way I could only celebrate.

    I hope you’ll consider submitting something about this to the magazine. I’d really love to hear your words in that context. I wish I could come to your house with soup and cookies <3

  21. Dave says:

    Sandra… wow. Only silence is adequate to express the feelings that go along with this reality, I think. All we can do is say our hearts and our love are with you all.

    This summer, a dear friend of ours miscarried somewhere between 5-6 months, and decided to deliver the baby. She asked us to be in the hospital with them, and while we weren’t there for the delivery, we were there before until late in the night, and then the next day just after she delivered, when they brought the baby in for her to hold.

    This was the first time I’ve ever been in a hospital to see a newborn.

    It was amazing, and beautiful, and maybe the saddest thing I’ve ever experienced.

    Our friend and her partner were amazing, it was a real blessing to watch them together going through what I can only imagine must have been an entire re-arranging of everything inside of them, by tearing apart and then slowly re-stitching.

    It’s a bit odd, but in a way, it made me feel like everything will be ok. That if someone can weather that loss, and still stand up, what could destroy us?

    Anyway…. be well, and hopefully the silence of all of our feeling (everyone you know) will be the closeness you need.

  22. Dee says:

    Sorry to hear of your loss. Be good to yourself, and take it easy.

  23. kaitlyn says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. <3

  24. sandy says:

    oh sandra, i am so so sorry. thank you for your honesty in this space and please continue to take good care of yourself. xoxo

  25. Bobbie says:

    I want to knit you a big hug!

  26. Nadine says:

    My dear Sandra, so sorry to hear of all you’re going through! So very sad and difficult. I have 2 children and have had 3 miscarriages. Thank you for sharing – you are not alone, and your story reminds me that I am not alone either! I wish you all the best for Christmas and for your journey of recovery, and a belated happy birthday! Much love from New Zealand. xoxox

  27. Rebecca S. says:

    What a crazy time. Crying again over here. And I was doing so well earlier ;)
    I think it’s great that you wrote this post. It helps so much when people support you and it helps others going through the same thing to see that they are not alone.

  28. Blume says:

    I’m glad you wrote about this. It really is odd how invisible miscarriage is until you have one yourself– I miscarried my first pregnancy last August, and was amazed, when I started looking, and sharing, and asking, how many women I knew had also had at least one. I, too, was surprised how long it took to get over it physically. It happened in the sixth week, and all in a matter of days, so I thought that was it. But I had fatigue for weeks, and though my cycle snapped back pretty fast, my hormones were pretty wonky for that first month. A big squeeze to you from an internet stranger!

    • simplybike says:

      Thanks, Blume! It’s good to hear of someone else struggling with fatigue for a while afterwards. I’m taking iron pills now and I think they’re helping, I’ve starting to feel more like myself these past couple of days. I guess it’s just good to hear that things can be wonky for a while and that’s just how it is.

  29. Lauren says:

    I’m really sorry this happened. I haven’t experienced it but I can only imagine the rollercoaster of emotions. Hang in there. And thanks for the amazing links in this entry. I hope you find peace.

  30. My heart and thoughts go out to you, S. Thanks for sharing your story.

  31. Susan K says:

    I am so sorry about your loss. I am currently expecting myself, and I have been a long time reader (first on Academichic and now here). I was trying to figure out when to tell folks about my pregnancy. I wanted to tell many people right away (and I did), and my husband wanted to wait until it was “safe.” I am now almost 13 weeks and my husband, ever the cautious one, still thinks it is not “safe” to tell his family (I am going to suffer consequences for this, I know). But it is my good news too, and I decided to tell anyone whom I could trust to talk about a possible miscarriage later. When I told some of my friends that I was still in the “danger zone” they repeatedly stated that miscarriage was common, and despite being a huge loss, something that we should be able to discuss freely. I am lucky to have such wonderful and supportive friends.
    Reading this was difficult and amazing. I have no words of wisdom. Grieve and care for yourself as you need, and I look forward to reading more about your family’s journey in the future.

    • simplybike says:

      Thanks Susan, and congratulations! I wish you all the best with your next two trimesters. I’m of course no expert but it sounds like you made it out of the danger zone :) We definitely waited far less time to tell people this time around thinking that since we had one successful pregnancy, we would likely have another. But that’s just not how it works. And I have zero regrest for having told as many people as I have. In fact, I think (well, especially now with this post, I know) that I have told more people about my miscarriage than about the pregnancy :) Funny how that worked out. And it’s been a great source of support and healing to have so many people share their stories of miscarriage or simply their well wishes for us. I don’t think I could have weathered this alone or in hinding. But that’s also just my personality, a more private person might have prefered to grieve with less people knowing about it. So you have to do what works for you. Hopefully your husband will soon feel comfortable with sharing your exciting news!

  32. Christina says:

    I’m so sorry to read this and many hugs to you. I have been in this place, I’ve had several miscarriages. I won’t go on to tell you how to feel or when the sadness dissipates, just know that at some point it will. The important thing I took away from all of it was to focus on what I have in the “now”. When I look back at pregnancy loss, I still get angry about it, but I’ve also learned that it is unfortunately so darn common. Through it I learned of so many other women who have had losses. Even going back historically, it’s an age old story that women have endured. I think you will recover and you will have another when you are ready to try again – you have still age on your side! I on the other hand, just wrote about next year being an age milestone for me. But I am done with the baby chapter and for me personally quit trying several years ago. I’m on to the next chapter of life, learning to begin the slow process of a the woman’s changes. All in good time. I think you wrote a very well-written article of the emotions of pregnancy loss. It can be hard sometimes to articulate it, especially if it happens after a first child. Just know, you are not alone and so many women understand these emotions. Reach out when you need to.

  33. b. says:

    I’m so very sorry for your loss.

    It’s also been my experience that miscarriage happens more often than gets discussed–it’s one of those “clubs” you don’t know exists until you belong yourself, and suddenly other women are coming out of the woodwork to share their own stories. I’m glad you can take comfort in knowing you are definitely not alone.

    Hope you’ll continue to be kind to yourself and your body as you grieve and heal. I’ll look forward to your return to blogging when you’re able to do it, but your health and happiness are most important right now.

    Peace to you & your family.

  34. madam0wl says:

    I think probably a lot of the comments are saying the same thing, but yes, I was amazed too when I found out how common it is, and yes, it really helps to talk about it. Though I didn’t “talk” as much as I lurked in a LiveJournal community and I kept a secret twitter account to document the second one. With both of mine I chose to let it pass naturally (both around 9 weeks, basically found “empty sacs” on the ultrasound) and wow what an eye opener those experiences were!

    Mine were two in a row, like 9 months apart… both attempts for a “fourth” – so even though the doctor said it didn’t mean anything, and that we could try again, the whole experience really jaded me to continue down that road. Especially now that I’m 37. But I know lots of women (well, at least one personally) who have one before or in between kids, and then go on to have successful pregnancies right away. I think my mom even had one or two before she had me.

    It is good that you blogged about it, I think I only ever mentioned mine much later, in like a “50 things” bulleted list type post. Do submit something to a magazine too, I really think there needs to be more voices/stories shared other than in health board forums, etc. But take your time! It took me quite a while to recover physically/mentally. Actually I think it was back then when I started up running and restarted yoga. And I’m still doing those now, three years later!

    PS – The only time I ever knit was when I was pregnant with my 2nd.

  35. Susie says:

    God bless you, S. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I’ve been reading your blog faithfully since academichic, and I don’t know if I ever commented. I have a baby a few months younger than your C. and I am finishing up my dissertation with your own accomplishment as a significant source of inspiration. Sharing your loss so openly is so courageous, and also so inspiring.

  36. Fiona says:

    Im so sorry for your loss. I rarely comment here but love reading this blog, and am deeply sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I think taking time away from blogging for you and your family to grieve and somehow move on sounds a good idea, and I hope your body and heart heals soon.

  37. Carly says:

    I’m so sorry to hear about the pain that you and your husband are going through. Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I hope you can find comfort in your family and friends and that you have a peaceful and relaxing rest of the year!

  38. Erin says:

    Dear S – I am so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love, support, prayers, and hugs to you, T. and C.

  39. Rita says:

    Oh S :’( I am so, so very sorry for your loss! Very big hug with lost of love!

  40. DM says:

    Many, many more of us have been there than we realize when it happens to us. It is still an unspoken loss and process of grief. I wish you peace and healing. This article helped me a lot when it happened to me:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2002/04/21/magazine/mourning-my-miscarriage.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm

  41. Mari says:

    My heart goes out to your family, and especially to you. What a tragic loss, and I pray that you will continue to give your body and soul the time it needs to recuperate and heal. There will be time for Naples recaps later indeed. Until then, I hope that you will feel joy again soon.

  42. Heather says:

    Exactly, to all of it.

    When I miscarried I was most frustrated by the fact that no one talks about it despite it being a normal outcome of pregancyies. I wrote an article about this: http://www.inklingmagazine.com/articles/miscarriage/
    So THANK YOU for choosing to talk about it. Clearly you have touched many people and revealed numerous shared experiences, all of which will be helpful to someone.

    Most importantly, YES to indulging yourself. When your body needs you, it behooves you to answer the call.

    Hugs for you!

    • simplybike says:

      Thanks, Heather, and wow, I had no idea (obviously) that you wrote something about this. I can’t wait to head over and read it! Thanks for sharing the link and thanks for sharing your story with me AND the huge bag of food that awaited on our porch! :)

  43. Laura says:

    My heart goes to you. Take all the time you need to take care of yourself and heal. Hugs from a loyal reader.

  44. hannie says:

    Dear S and Family, I feel so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself and take time for the mourning process. I appreciate your post. I am glad you don’t regret sharing the news about your pregnancy early. We have the experience with disappointments during the Artificial insemination/IVF road was that we received lots of support from family and friend. By sharing our story, we created a group of people we could talk to about our experiences. Another important advantage was that people were better able to understand and anticipate on our mood and behavior when were disappointed.
    Take care !

    • simplybike says:

      Thanks, Hannie! I imagine that I would feel similarly if I were going through fertility treatment – like you, I think I would appreciate the community. I’ve found that the more open I lead my life, the more I feel connected to others around me and the more I find others in similar situations who can become my resource and ally. Happy to hear that you guys found that in your family and friends and how nice to know that a beautiful baby came out of that journey! :)

  45. Dana says:

    Imi pare asa de rau sa aud ca ai pierdut o sarcina. Am un baiat de o varsta cu fetita ta si ti-am urmarit sarcina cu sufletul la gura fiindca mergea in paralel cu a mea, asa ca ma simt apropiata de tine, chiar daca nu ne cunoastem. Nu imi pot imagina ce simti acum, dar sper ca toate gandurile bune de la atatia oameni sa te ajute sa treci peste acest moment. Iti doresc sarbatori fericite alaturi de familia ta frumoasa!

  46. SLNZ says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, and for opening up this topic to so many others who have had the courage to reply/comment. I lost my first pregnancy at 9weeks earlier this year and was amazed at the variety of reactions from the few people we told. I myself felt better when I could tell people as it lifted the burden of carrying a massive secret around. It also meant that there was some recognition that I had been pregnant, had felt the physical and emotional changes albeit for only a short time. My husband was not keen on anyone knowing, for fear that talking about it would upset me i think. What i especially didnt like was that we had not told family about the pregnancy and then they were hit with the news of our loss without a chance to be happy or excited for a while first.
    Like you I felt totally drained after the miscarriage although for me i think it moved from being physical to emotional after a while. However, after a big change in my mindset and a more positive outlook I am pleased to say I am now almost 12 weeks pregnant. It is certainly scary after suffering the previous loss, and we have a long way to go, but I am feeling really good about this pregnancy and am looking forward to becoming a mum.
    Thank you again for writing about your experience you will be helping so many other woman out there without even realizing. I hope some of the stories you are hearing back are helping you too.
    Take care of yourself and keep smiling xoxo

  47. georgina says:

    So sorry to hear your sad news. My wishes are with you and your family.

  48. Eurocyclista says:

    S, I am so sorry to read this. Take care of yourself and take all the time you need. We’ll still be here to read your excellent writing whenever you decide to return.

    (And happy birthday! The 30s have been far, far kinder to me than the 20s thus far, and I hope they will be for you, too.)

  49. Casey says:

    As I started reading this my heart broke for you. And I was so mad at myself for not being caught up on my reader and not seeing this until now and feeling terrible that I wasn’t there to comment right away and let you know that I’m here and thinking of you and then I got here and saw all these comments and thought of all the people around the world that are thinking of you and supporting you and lifting you up right now. It’s so good, this space. I’m thankful for you. For your journey and your courage to share it. For the others here, reading, riding, walking along next to you, with you, ahead of you, and behind you. It’s a very good place to be. Especially when it’s oh so very hard as it is for you right now. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Sending lots of love from Boston.

    (and many sweet wishes for this new year ahead of you!!!)

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  51. Karen says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I also think it’s good to talk about this with others so you don’t feel so alone in it. I had a miscarriage before having our daughter. It was a horrible experience, but after I began to tell some people, I found out that a number of people I knew had gone through one as well. And months after, a coworker also had a miscarriage. Because she had heard through others that I had had one, she came to talk to me and we became close through this shared experience. Happily, we now we both have children about the same age and enjoy playdates together. I hope you feel better soon, physically and emotionally.

  52. Heather says:

    Dear Sandra, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain and grief you’ve been experiencing, but I think you are so brave and beautiful for sharing your story. The world would probably be a better place if more people opened up about the difficult experiences in life and shared their humanity. Take plenty of time to heal physically and emotionally and snuggle that adorable daughter of yours!

  53. Cora says:

    Oh S, I’m so sorry!! I too suffered a miscarriage on Oct 31. It was also our second, my first only 2 or so months younger than C. (I’ve been reading you since Academichic.) I was so caught off guard by the depth of the sadness. I was barely 8 weeks along when we found out and like you we’d told many people much sooner this time. In many ways, we both still grieve although the exhaustion and physical grief are less for me now. Our daughter is such catharsis and reminds me daily that we are a family and very happy whether we add to our numbers or not. You are not alone, you are understood, and I’m sending you hugs across the miles.

  54. Jessica M says:

    I am so sorry for your loss and the pain your family is going through. Thanks for writing about it.

  55. Chrissy says:

    I don’t have anything profound to add – only my heartfelt thoughts for you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss, but so admiring of the way you are looking at this experience, choosing to use it as an opportunity to appreciate all you do have, and allowing yourself the space to grieve as needed. Also: happy birthday. I am quite certain that you’re destined for one of the happiest lives on the Internet. <3

  56. Sadie says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of positive thoughts. And I’m glad to hear knitting helps a bit – I got into knitting seriously when I was recovering from a breakdown and continue to find it very therapeutic.

  57. Dottie says:

    S – I wish you did not have to go through this pain. You and your family will be in my thoughts. xo Dottie

  58. Claire says:

    So sorry. I read your blog regularly, but have never commented before (I think). Just wanted you to know that the lurkers out here send our love and wish you peace in the midst of your grief.

  59. Juliet says:

    I am so sorry to read this. I wish you as much peace as possible over the holidays — be comforted by the joy and love you have in your own family and in your extended one as well. It sounds like you are already doing this!

    I came to your blog back in October via a search on biking while pregnant — thank you again for the inspiration. Please know your efforts to write about all aspects of this are much appreciated.

  60. Rose-Anne says:

    Oh my dear, I am so sorry to hear your news. It hurts to lose something we loved, something we wanted with all our heart. I am wishing much rest, peace, and love to you and your family for this holiday season. I like your thoughts about being sad when sad and happy when happy–such a kind and healthy attitude. We need more kindness like yours in the world. XOXO!

  61. Kris Vander Lugt says:

    Oh Sandra, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I was stopping by your blog to get some ideas and always love to hear what you are up to. I was shocked and saddened to hear about your miscarriage. Sending you love, good wishes, and peaceful vibes from DC.

  62. I’m so sorry about the loss of your baby. I can understand your hesitancy to write about it and the decision to eventually do so. For me, blogging is an expression of who I am, which includes the experiences I go through, both the good and the bad. This loss is a part of who you are, especially since it was such a personal one. I’m sure it won’t define you but, were I in your shoes, I don’t think I could have continued blogging had I not shared it in my own time and way. Best wishes in your healing process.

  63. Rachel says:

    Dear S, I am so sorry about your loss. Thank you for writing about it and sharing it so openly and honestly. I hope the holidays will be a good time to heal and come to terms with it, as well as celebrate what the lovely family you have. My very best wishes to you all.

  64. carin says:

    Dear S- I am so sorry for your loss. I have a 15 month old daughter who is such a joy. Exactly one week after delivering her, I experienced some severe complications which resulted in an emergency hysterectomy. Not exactly part of our birth plan. I had always imagined having two children and grieved when I felt like my body failed me. To be honest, I still grieve from time to time but I am so grateful to be alive to mother my little one. Too often we shy away from talking about these things but unfortunately thre are so many of us who have experienced issues with reproduction. I had no idea, of course, until I was one of them. I’m sure it was both painful and therapeutic to share your story, so thank you for being so honest. I hope you’ve found some peace during the holidays.

  65. Pingback: thank you, 2012! » Simply Bike

  66. Raena says:

    I too am sorry for your loss. Thanks for continuing to share your world with us.

  67. I am just catching up a bit late. I am so very sorry for your loss. That sounds empty, but I am seriously shaking with sadness for you. Thinking of you much today <3

  68. Pingback: cycling while pregnant: the first trimester, the second time around » Simply Bike

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