bilingual parenting: kate {german and english}

Name: Kate

Number of children and ages: 1 child, age 2 (so far!)

The languages your family uses: English, German, and a wee bit of Dutch

{Kate’s son, Aleksander, working on a puzzle}

What motivated you to raise your child(ren) bilingually:

I have always had an interest in languages. I didn’t start learning German until I was in high school, and once I got started I just couldn’t stop. I now have a PhD in German literature. At some point, I just knew that someday I would pass on my language skills to my children. It seemed like such a gift to give: maybe if I started them young enough, they wouldn’t have to struggle as much as I did to become bilingual! As a grad student, I also discovered a love of teaching German language. So it made even more sense to teach my own children. One day, I look forward to getting back to teaching in a college classroom, but for now I love sharing my foreign language with my son!

How does the bilingualism work in your family: 

I decided while I was pregnant (after reading 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child by Naomi Steiner) that I couldn’t commit to the OPOL (one parent one language) system. For one thing, I didn’t know if I was up for the mental challenge of speaking German all day! More importantly, I knew I couldn’t give up my English-speaking American culture. How could I not read Goodnight Moon or sing English lullabies to my son? Since my husband is from the Netherlands, I knew he wouldn’t be able to provide this kind of English children’s culture to our son either.

When I first started speaking German with Aleksander, he was almost 9 months old. I decided I would dedicate the few hours between his two naps to it (that’s how my blog got its name: German in the Afternoon). Since his nap schedule has changed, however, I’ve changed the format. Now I try to split our days equally: we speak German in the morning until his nap, and English in the afternoon and evening after he wakes up from his nap. It doesn’t always work out, but I do my best!

My husband speaks impeccable English and actually feels more comfortable in English than Dutch, although he’s only lived in the US for 6 years!! (Unfathomable to me – I will never feel that way about German!!) So he decided not to speak Dutch with Aleksander, much as I wish he would. He does, however, sometimes read Dutch books to Aleksander at bedtime. I’m surprised at how much Aleksander seems to pick up just from that little bit of input!

What are some of the challenges you’ve encountered?

I’m a non-native speaker of German. That’s a huge challenge right there – much bigger than I ever expected! First of all, you don’t learn child-related vocabulary in school books! So I’ve had a lot of words and phrases to learn. I’m always having to look things up (if I remember to do so). I find it really frustrating when I don’t have a word or phrase that I need, and I don’t always have a chance to look it up right away.

It’s particularly challenging for me when I want to comfort or discipline Aleksander. I only experienced these things for myself as a child in English. So for comforting, it just doesn’t feel quite right in German. My heart still speaks English, I guess. And situations where some kind of discipline is necessary usually require quick, instinctual responses. I just don’t have those on the tip of my tongue! Although I think I am getting better at both.

I also find it challenging to find materials in German: books, music, DVDs, toys, etc. I have found numerous resources for purchasing these things online, but it’s not quite the same as going to the store to browse for them yourself!

What have been some of the rewards of raising a bilingual child?

I remember the very first time I knew he understood German. He was about a year old, I think. He was climbing up the stairs, and when he got to the baby gate, I quickly said, “Pass auf die Finger auf!” [Watch out for your fingers!] My jaw dropped when I saw him move his hand in recognition of what I’d said!

Aleksander has only been talking for about 4 months. But I get such a thrill out of hearing him speak German!!! It’s indescribable. My heart swells with pride. That alone keeps me going sometimes. He doesn’t always want to speak German – he’ll repeat: “English, English, English!!” But as I keep speaking German, he eventually begins to reply in German. He’s surprisingly aware of the different languages. He knows morning is German time and afternoon is English time. He knows that his babysitters speak English and do not speak German. And he knows when I’m supposed to be speaking German and accidentally slip into English. He immediately cries out, “English!!” He’s like the language police!

What role does your extended family play in your decision and ability to raise a bilingual child?

Our families have been 100% supportive of Aleksander’s bilingualism. It shocks me to hear of other bilingual families who do not have support from their families. What could be bad about giving a child this extraordinary gift?! Perhaps they feel left out? I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about it.

I’m sure my in-laws wish he would have more Dutch, but they support my speaking German. They even speak some German with Aleksander when we visit. But I think they speak some Dutch with him, too, when I’m not around. I actually wish they’d speak more Dutch with him, whether I’m in the room or not! I love hearing other languages and don’t feel left out – especially when it’s for a good cause!

My parents also love that we’re raising Aleksander to be bilingual. My dad took German in high school and college and can’t speak a word of it. So he loves that I speak it and that I share it with Aleksander. My mom, who still speaks some Spanish, would like to learn some German – if only she weren’t so busy!

What resources have you found useful?

I have a whole page about this on my blog!

I try to update it regularly. There is also a list of websites you can order products from in the sidebar.

I have a growing collection of books in German that I read with Aleksander. I also download music from iTunes (they have a surprisingly large selection), so we sing a lot and listen to German music in the car. I have several DVDs, too, although Aleksander has two particular favories: Die kleine Raupe Nimmersatt [The Very Hungry Caterpillar] and Singen und Bewegen. I recently bought an alphabet puzzle in German, too, so that the images go with the right letters! He has one in English, but when he does the puzzle and we’re supposed to be speaking German, I can’t very well say “Karotte – C” [carrot – C]. So this was definitely worth it!

I also think it’s wonderful to have other forms of support. As a non-native speaker, we don’t have any family in Germany. So there is no built-in community of German-speakers for Aleksander to talk to. He doesn’t have the incentive of a non-English-speaking grandparent, for example. To help create this community for him, I’ve started a German storytime at our local library. (I have a blog for that, too.) I’m also trying to start a German playgroup with my best friend, who just happens to be German and have a son two months younger than mine!

For myself, I also belong to a German chat group. It’s nice to have adult conversations in German once in a while! I also blog about our bilingual journey and am grateful to have discovered a whole community of bilingual bloggers! I have links to numerous sites on my blog and would also recommend signing up for newsletters from the Bilingual Blogging Carnival – each month someone from the community collects posts on bilingualism and then posts to his/her blog with a brief description about each. It’s a great way to reach out and find others who are going through similar issues. Having support can be so important – especially when you feel like giving up!

Another great website is Multilingualliving.com. Not only do they have tons of great information, but they started a language challenge in March that will go for 6 months to help us continue learning for ourselves and teaching our children. I wish I could say I’ve been diligent in keeping up with it…. But at least it continues to inspire me!

What are some of your long-term goals?

I have to admit, I haven’t thought too far into the future, other than to know that I want to continue speaking German with my child(ren) forever! At some point, we’ll consider a German school – either Saturday school or after-school program. There are several in our area. Otherwise, I plan to just keep going with the flow. Things have changed more than once already, so I just try to adapt as each new situation arises. As Aleksander gets older, I’d like to take him to Germany – it shouldn’t be too difficult, since we visit his grandparents in the Netherlands regularly.

What advice would you give a new parent starting the process?

Be consistent. Or as consistent as you can. Make a plan and then stick to it – but be flexible enough to adapt as situations change. Get support, too (see above about the community of bilingual bloggers). There will be times when you want to give up – having others who understand and who cheer you on can make a huge difference! Don’t be too hard on yourself if you have go through a phase where you’re less consistent. Raising a bilingual child adds a whole other dimension to parenting and can sometimes be exhausting! Just get back to it as soon as you can.

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Thanks so much, Kate, especially for the many resources and links you mention in this post and the ones to be found on your site! I came across Kate’s blog when I was pregnant and thinking about raising C. with German as her second language, and although I’ve been speaking Romanian to her instead, I still find Kate’s blog to be a wealth of information on bilingual parenting in general. 

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Are you raising your child with more than one language and as part of more than one culture? Want to add your voice to the discussion? Contact me, I’d love to hear from you!